A Real Humdinger of a Week

I hate it when you are on Cloud 9, everything is going your way, and then all of a sudden something goes wrong and you might as well be back in the ninth circle of Hell all over again. That seems to be how my life goes lately. I was just getting excited about dating someone I was really interested in, and BAM! He's not interested in me and is now basically back to avoiding me. Of course, he managed to squeeze in lots of advice on how to pick yourself up and be happy, which was about the last thing I was interested in hearing at that point. I feel kind of like a punching bag that is old and worn and losing all of its stuffing. And the worst part? Nobody cares.

How do you move on while still nursing the wound? All I want to do right now is hide from the world, cut off all human contact (or at least with everyone that I know), and somehow stitch my heart back together. I heard that introverts are like that; they are ok to be with people, but people drain them, and they need time alone to recharge themselves emotionally and physically. I suppose I am an introvert right now. Big surprise, though, eh? Within two or three weeks I was proposed to, broke up with my boyfriend, got another boyfriend, and got dumped by him. Is it a crime for me to want to avoid people, since people are the ones that keep abusing me?

How do you move on when your heart looks like confetti and your brain looks like a puddle? *sigh*

Cloud 9

Ah, could a girl be a little more confused and yet so blissfully happy? The man who has been steadfastly ignoring me for the past two months finally came out and apologized on Sunday. He had been stricken with an extreme case of jealousy when I started to date the guy who proposed. 

He was right to be jealous; I gave him every indication that I was extremely interested in him, and then I hauled off and got a boyfriend because this guy just wasn't doing anything. All three of us got hurt: Jason, the guy who proposed, is now in a lot of emotional pain because I broke up with him and told him there was nothing there; Jose, the guy who I was madly in love with the whole time, got hurt when I got another boyfriend, and is now just as paranoid of showing his feelings for me as I am of showing mine to him; and I feel like something of a gremlin for turning these two guys' lives upside down and inside out.

But at the same time...

I am incredibly happy! At least, once I shove aside the feelings of self-doubt. I asked Jose to go to Preference with me on Saturday, and he said he'd love to. I got really worried last night when I asked him about it and he seemed to get a bit ho-hummish about it. But when I told my roommates about it, they said he was probably just shy and just as nervous about it as I was. I really hope that they are right. I've had too many bombs explode when I've asked the guy out.

The way he holds me, the way he quietly tells me everything will be alright, the way he wouldn't tell anyone how he voted but then told me...We were sitting in the basement of the Wilkinson Center, waiting for the bishop to get there (Jose is Executive Secretary and in charge of bishop interviews), and we were just kind of holding each other. Then the bishop came around the corner, so Jose stood up quickly and I buried my nose in my book. The bishop looked at me and said, "That's a very interesting study place." haha. Yeah.

Anyways, my life is the ultimate roller coaster. I love it! I just wish there weren't so many shocking drops...